In this blogposting...
* If Computers Were Cars
* Your Car Is German...
* The Daily Wisecrack
* Bonsai


This is an oldie but goldie.  It was sent to me recently by Peter, in South Shields.  Even if it’s apocryphal, it’s good fun...

At a computer conference, Bill Gates (the man behind Microsoft) reportedly compared the computer industry with the car industry, saying ‘If Ford had kept up with technology like the  computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the  gallon.'

Anyone who’s grappled with Microsoft’s Windows operating system will understand the sarcasm of Ford’s response, issued the following day in a press release...

‘If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following  characteristics:

 1    For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........twice a  day.

2    Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a  new car.

3    Occasionally your car would die on the motorway, for no reason.  You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.  For some reason, you would simply accept this.

4    Occasionally, executing a maneuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5    Apple Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, fuel and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This  Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7    The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?'  before deploying.

8    Occasionally  - and for no reason whatsoever - your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9    Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as on the old car.

10    You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn  the engine off.

All of which is why I converted to a Mac decades ago.


Peter also sent me this gem...

Your car is German.
Your vodka is Russian.
Your pizza is Italian.
Your kebab is Turkish.
Your democracy is Greek.
Your coffee is Brazilian.
Your movies are American.
Your tea is Tamil.
Your shirt is Indian.
Your oil is Saudi Arabian.
Your electronics are Chinese.
Your numbers are Arabic.
And your letters are Roman.

And you complain that your neighbour is an immigrant?

Pull yourself together.


Thanks to everyone who’s been sending me put-downs and wisecracks.  Here are just a few of the less unkind, and thus more printable, examples...

She has a nice butter face; everything looks nice but her face.

He has the IQ of lint.

Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge.  He just gargled.

They told me you weren’t fit to live in a pigsty but I stuck up for you.  I said you were.

He is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot.

The thing that terrifies me most is that someone might hate me as much as I hate you.

There are only two things I dislike about you; your face.



A friend in Japan recently sent me some pictures of prize-winning bonsai trees in Kyoto.  I think they’re lovely and I hope you do, too.


Post comments on this blog or email me:  truckshunters@googlemail.com


Hildie said...

Oh heck .... I put on the BBC lunchtime news, which was followed by Look North, and I've have ended up in tears. I think I've come on here for a Truckshunter hug! Look North told the story of a Radio Cumbria Presenter named Val Armstrong. A year or so ago she was having to leave her job,
..... the last song she played, on her final programme as she faced a double mastectomy and all that that involves, was a 'Take That' song called 'Hold Up A Light For Me'.
Wonderfully, she is now fit and well and
tomorrow she is back at her job and will open her morning programme on Radio Cumbria with the same song.
I'm wishing that we truckshunters could somehow send her our bestest, bestest wishes. Hope I've typed okay ... I'm still wiping away the tears for her.

Sid said...

One Truckshunter hug coming up Hildie. So glad she is back to work.
Now wipe those eyes....Strictly is on.

Ian Robinson said...

Another BIG truckshunter hug from me Hildie. She sounds like quite a lady - very, VERY best wishes for the future to her...

Bentonbag said...

And from me - hope you don't mind I'm smelly having just got up and not had a bath for days with being away.