A crocodile laughing at Brenda's first joke
Two crocodiles were sitting by the side of the River Thames.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.
'Well,' said the big crocodile, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small crocodile.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down at the car park by the Houses of Parliament.'
'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment....
See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase’.
2 THE WELSH COW
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.
Then the town folk found out that they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply.
So, they brought the cow over from Wales.
It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
So they bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow - but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the vet - who was very wise - and tell him what was happening and ask his advice.
‘Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.’
The vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking ‘Did you by any chance buy this cow in Wales?’
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales.
‘You are truly a wise vet’ they said. ‘How did you know we got the cow from Wales?’
The vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
‘My wife is from Wales... ‘
* * *AND BRENDA, THE MEDIA TART
I’ve been so neglectful of my truckshunters email inbox that I overlooked another of Brenda’s messages - the one which informed me that, not content with her brilliant performance on The Chase, she has now appeared on Two Tribes, the new-ish tea-time quiz programme on BBC2.
The big event happened on August 27, though. Is there any way at all that this programme can be watched now, so late in the day (as it were)?
If not, we’ll just have to hold a Special AGM so she can tell us all about it…
* * *
Serge sent me this photo of some walruses because he knows they're my favourite animals;
aren't they lovely?
* * *GOING TO THE FLICKS
You may already know that the Tyneside Cinema operates a ‘Silver Screen’ filmshow programme for crusty and decrepit old fogeys like me - and that I take advantage of the scheme quite a lot.
Brenda now tells me that the Odeon at Silverlink has special film-shows for over-55s as well.
So… if anybody fancies a trip to the movies, get in touch.
* * *ADA
Thanks to everyone for joining in the good wishes for Ada’s 90th birthday last week. Hildie and I called in to see her the day after her birthday and she looked extraordinarily well and catered for us like a professional - pies and sausage rolls, biscuits and cakes, tea and coffee. And the crack was good, too.
Thanks again, to everyone.
* * *
* * *CONTACT ME
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