420

Winter

In this blogposting...
* Australian tourism
* The Strange Case of the Attention-Seeking Lion
* Murphy's Laws of Combat
* AGM XXXIX
Cheers!

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I'm glad - not to mention relieved - to say that I finally met Dave Shannon yesterday (Friday).  Dave has been sending me emails for several years now and parts of most of them have ended up here on the truckshunter blog.  Indeed, some postings have consisted almost entirely of Dave's contributions - for which I hope I've given him due credit.

Dave turned up to his first AGM earlier this month - but it was the AGM I missed because I'd been unwell overnight.  It began to appear that I was destined never to meet the Great Emailer Himself.

But that's now a thing of the past.  Along with Hildie, Linda and Keith, I met up with him yesterday and was finally able to put a face to the name that's been contacting me since Nightshift days.

So - Hello, Dave - it's good to (finally) meet you.  Perhaps you can come to another AGM sometime.

And thanks, too, for all the fascinating/funny/frivolous/uplifting emails you've sent me.  Keep 'em coming!

Speaking of which...

Dave has sent me this list of replies made by Australian tourist office staff to some of the ludicrous written enquiries they get.  

Q (from the UK) Does it ever get windy in Australia?  I have never seen it rain on tv - how do the plants grow?
A  We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q (from the USA) Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A  Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q (from Sweden) I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railway tracks?
A  Sure - it's only three thousand miles, so take lots of water.

Q (from the USA) Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.  Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... 
Oh forget it.  Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Sydney.  Come naked.

Q (from the USA) Which direction is North in Australia?
A  Face south and then turn 180 degrees.  Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q (from the UK) Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A  Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Q (from the USA) Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
A  Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... 
Oh forget it.  Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Sydney, straight after the hippo races.  Come naked.

Q (from Germany) Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A  No - we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.  Milk is illegal.

Q (from the USA) Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.  All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q (from France) Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A  Only at Christmas.

Q (from the USA) Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A  Yes, but you'll have to learn it first!

Dave also sent me this tourist's eye view of Australia.

 

Thanks, Dave.  You're a star!

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THE STRANGE CASE OF THE ATTENTION-SEEKING LION
My friend Brian has sent me this video link.  It's a short excerpt from the Kazan Ballet's production of The Nutcracker.

As you watch it, look out for the 'lion' behind the principal dancers, to the left.  Apparently, just before the ballet began, he was told that he was being made redundant.  What you see is his wonderfully irreverent reaction to the bad news.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9F91ljWjssE

If the link doesn't work when you click on it, cut and paste it into the Search box of your internet browser.

Thanks, Brian.

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MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMBAT
The season of inexpressible peace and goodwill to all men seems like a good time to include this email, which I received from an unidentified correspondent a few weeks ago.  The wise words are those of a US soldier who fought in Iraq.

1  If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2  Incoming fire has the right of way.
3  Don't look conspicuous - it draws fire.
4  There is always a way.
5  The easy way is always mined.
6  Try to look unimportant - they may be low on ammo.
7  Professionals are predictable; it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
8  The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
     a When you're ready for them.
     b When you're not ready for them.
9  Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
10  A 'sucking chest wound' is natures way of telling you to slow down.
11  If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
12  Never draw fire - it irritates everyone around you.
13  Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
14  Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be
    able to get out.
15  Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
16  When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
17  Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder. 
18  Friendly Fire isn't.

To whoever you are - Thankyou and the Compliments of the Season to you!

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AGM XXXIX
Our next AGM - should you be brave enough to attend - will take place at 1100 on Wednesday 9 January. 

In view of the chaos that ensued last time, I think we'd better give The Bridge a miss - specially as there were adverse comments about it from the people who managed to turn up.

So instead, let's all be mustered at the Lit and Phil and decide where to go from there.

Sorry about the short notice.  Typical!

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CONTACT ME
Post comments on this blog or email me:  truckshunters@googlemail.com