What Hildie didn't see last weekend...In this blogposting…
* The Rev Dogposture writes…
* Fenwick’s Window
* Laws of the Universe
* Lumiere at Durham City
* AGM XXX
THE REV DOGPOSTURE WRITES...
This is the time of year when the National Register of People Who Change Their Names (NROPWCTN) releases its annual catalogue of drongos who, for reasons not within the purview of ordinary folk, change their names from perfectly innocuous things like Pete Smith or Julie Jones to Hamish Hoover McTavish or Exotica Fiji Sexbubble.
Naturally, this results in all the uproariously funny stories carried by The Daily Mail - stories far too tiresome and predictable to parrot here.
My attention was, however drawn to a letter in The Guardian (where else?). It went something like this….
'All this talk of people changing their names reminds me of a friend I used to know at school called Steve Stinks. Needless to say, this caused him to be bullied and ridiculed mercilessly so that, as soon as he was 18 and had the right to do so, he changed his name.
He is now called Phil Stinks.'
The last time I mentioned this subject, I mused upon the possibility of changing my name to the Rev Unseemly Dogposture. And now, I wish I had.
In 1971, Fenwick’s in Newcastle decided to do something that no other department store in England had ever done before. While other shops - then as now - understandably stuffed their street window displays with Christmas goodies, Fenwick’s cleared their long window onto Northumberland Street to make way for a fantastical seasonal display that didn’t feature any goods for sale at all.
The theme of this first Fenwick’s Christmas window was Camberwick Green - and the considerable gamble paid off. Crowds came from all over the north-east to see it and sales naturally increased dramatically.
And they’ve been doing it every year since then. This year's is typically lovely.
Anyone who has ever seen a Fenwick’s Christmas window will easily be able to imagine the hard work that goes into its design and construction. Paul and I discovered that the entire staff of the store take it very seriously indeed and take great pride in the results of their efforts.
'In 2008, the Sunday Times Rich List revealed that Fenwick's in Newcastle was the single most profitable branch of any department store chain in the United Kingdom with assets totaling an excess of £330 million.
It is widely viewed as one of the most luxurious department stores in the UK, specializing in a wide range of luxury products which are not available in other British shops. There’s also its famous Wine Shop which has probably the largest selection of wines and spirits in the north-east.
Furthermore, its food court enjoys a reputation as a seller of some of the finest foods available on the high street, a selection of which is served in the store's six restaurants. It remains a tourist attraction in Newcastle upon Tyne, its green bags being iconic and arguably something of a status symbol in the city….’
So something else to be proud of in the north-east: a successful business that actually seems to deserve its success.
A big seasonal Thankyou to Fenwick’s.
LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE
Sent to me by Eric and Jean...
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place on Earth.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of whatever it is you are doing.
Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get the ‘engaged’ tone - and someone always answers.
If you change queues (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want them to see you with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine doesn’t work, it works.
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to your reach.
The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
If you’d like to add to this list, send me your suggestions.
LUMIERE AT DURHAM CITY
Thanks to Hildie for her description of the visit she made last weekend to Durham City’s Lumiere.
It sounds awful.
I’ve spoken to her about it and it seems to me that the City Council should perhaps get its act together by…
….spreading the Lumiere over more nights, so as to give the multitudes of people who want to visit it a wider choice of evenings; and…
….improving public transport from surrounding areas - perhaps running buses and trains beyond midnight; it is, after all, an event to be attended at night.
If I ruled the world...
In an act of indictable treason, Kev is now actively contributing to Serge’s blog as well. Take a look - it’s a very funny video.
The final AGM of 2011 will take place at 1100 on Tuesday 13 December.
If you have any venue suggestions, I’d be glad to hear them.
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