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 Canadian band Arcade Fire - ripe for slavery

The points made in this item (which was sent to me by an old friend) have been made many times before, but never - I think - so elegantly or to such devastating effect.

OWNING A CANADIAN

On her US radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, she regarded homosexuality is an abomination, as decreed at Leviticus 18:22, and that it cannot be condoned under any circumstances.

The following response is an open letter to Dr Schlesinger and posted on the Internet…

Dear Dr Laura

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.  I have learned a great deal from your show and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.  When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states that it is an abomination...

End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1
Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, as long as they are from neighbouring nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not to Canadians.

Can you clarify?  Why can't I own Canadians?

2
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of ‘menstrual uncleanliness’ (Leviticus 15: 19-24).  The problem is - how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9).  The problem is my neighbours.  They claim the odour is not pleasing to them.  Should I smite them?

5
I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.  Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.  I don't agree.  Can you settle this?  Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7
Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed - including the hair around their temples - even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27.  How should they die?

9
My uncle has a farm.  He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field - as does his wife, by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).

He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.  Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them to death (Leviticus 24:10-16)?  Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Department of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

P.S. It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian.

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AGM XLV
I think it’s about time we had another AGM, don’t you?

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