Alexander the Great
In this blogposting…
* The Royal Oak Quiz 2
* Brenda’s Jokes
Out, damned spot…

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Once again, a big Thankyou to Ross for sending me a copy of the quiz he compiled for The Royal Oak pub in Medomsley.

See how many you score without rersorting to Wikipedia!

01 Which wrestler starred in Rocky III as 'Thunderlips'?
02 The medical term hepatic refers to which part of the body?
03 Which element is number one on the periodic table?
04 Several bookmakers have suspended betting on the potential name of Prince William and Kate’s baby after several large bets were placed on which girl's name?
05 Which film won Best Picture at the Oscars?
06 Which country finished bottom of this year’s Six Nations Championship?
07 Who was the leading jockey at this year’s Cheltenham festival?
08 Players of Monopoly recently voted to replace which playing piece with a cat?
09 Apart from Antarctica, what is the world’s southernmost country?
10 What was the name of the dog in The Magic Roundabout?
11 What peppermint flavoured candy is said to be popular amongst climbers for energy due to its high sugar content?
12 Apart from Durham, name the three other counties in England that start with the letter D.
13 The website Rotten Tomatoes is an online review site for what?
14 Who is the youngest of the judges on the TV show The Voice?
15 Name any two of the three basic types of rock.
16 In which country would you find the Valley of the Kings?
17 A leatherback is a type of what animal?
18 From 1936-1975, General Franco ruled over which country?
19 Which actor, best known for his roles in Harry Potter films and Withnail & I died recently?
20 In the Google logo, what colour is the 'e'?

Name the top five largest cities in Europe by population.  Try to do this in less than ten minutes.

01 What is the name of the pub with the shortest name in the country?
02 What is the name of the brewery that supplies beer to the Rovers Return in Coronation Street?
03 What is the second most common pub name in Britain after The Red Lion?
04 Often said to have contributed to the downfall of pubs, in what year did the smoking ban come into effect in England?
05 What is the name of the society that promotes real ale in Britain’s pubs?

In what year was Judy Garland born?   

My Way, by Frank Sinatra, has spent more weeks in the UK singles chart than any other record.  How many?

Thanks once again to Ross.

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Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.

I woke this morning with a huge correction.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees.

I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face.

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vestas.

His little face lit up when he tried to walk...I’d forgotten to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen.
Ungrateful bleeders.  All I said was 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen.  'What would you like for dinner my angel - chicken, beef or lamb?'  
I said 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please.'

She replied 'You're having soup you fat bastard - I was talking to the cat!'

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail.  
I looked round and this bloke shouts 'That's just for starters!'

This one’s a bit longer…

The armies of Alexander the Great were greatly feared in their day, but there was one problem they had that almost defeated them. Alexander could not get his people to staff meetings on time.  He always held the meetings at 6 o'clock each day after the day's battle was done, but frequently his generals either forgot or let the time slip up on them and missed the staff meeting.

This angered Alexander very much, to say the least!

So he called in his research guys and set up a project to come up with a method of determining the time at 6 oc'clock each day.  There were no clocks in those days, at least none that could be carried around.  ‘Find a way my staff can determine the hour of the day, or at least when it gets to be 6 o'clock’, he said, ‘Cost is no object.’

A study was instituted and, with several brain-storming sessions, came up with the following idea.  In a land some distance away, there grew a bush whose berries contained a type of dye that changed colour at 6 o'clock each evening.  They found that by dyeing strips of old cloth and issuing them to the generals, they could see when it was 6 o'clock by the colour change, and could get to the meetings on time.

Needless to say this pleased Alexander very much.

It was then turned over to the marketing group to come up with a name of this new invention, as Alexander saw definite market potential in the strips.  ‘It can be worn on the wrist and can be easily watched for the colour change’, said one junior executive. ‘I therefore propose to call it the
wrist watch.’

This name was immediately hooted down as being too bland and obvious.

Finally the senior vice president, who up to now had been silent, spoke and rendered his decision.

‘We shall call it a Timeband, and in honor of the Great Alexander, it shall be known as...


(...wait for it…)


Alexander's Rag Timeband!’

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