In this blogposting…* Walking Eagle
* AGM XXX
* AGM XXX
* Old Age - New Alphabet
* Floods in Pakistan
* A Health Warning From Vivienne
* My Birthday - The Final Word
A typically packed posting for you to get your metaphorical teeth into….
The final AGM of 2011 is a goody. For the first time, Kev will be able to attend - because it’s being held at his workplace.
So make a note for tomorrow, Monday 19 December. We’ll be mustered (as it were) at South Tyneside College in South Shields at 1100.
See you there….
Another precious snippet from Eric and Jean…
On a recent trip to the United States, Tony Blair - our revered ex-Prime Minister - addressed a major gathering of Native American ‘Indians’.
He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for a Carbon Trading Tax for the UK and Europe, and many other things.
At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
A totally delighted Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Tony Blair.
The Indian explained that ‘Walking Eagle’ is the name given to a bird so full of shit that it can no longer fly.
OLD AGE - NEW ALPHABET
A is for Apple and B is for Boat -
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
A's for Arthritis; B's the Bad Back, C is the Chest pains, perhaps Car-di-ac?
D is for Dental Decay and Decline, E is for Eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for Fissures and Fluid retention, G is for Gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is High blood pressure (much better low); I’s for Incisions with scars you can show.
J is for Joints, out of socket, won't mend; K is for Knees that crack when they bend.
L's for Libido, what happened to sex? M is for Memory - I forget what comes next.
N is Neuralgia, in Nerves way down low; O is for Osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for Prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a Pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for Queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for Reflux - one meal turns to two..
S is for Sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for Urinary; troubles with flow; V for Vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for Worry - now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another Year I'm left here behind
and Z’s for the Zest I still have-- in my mind!
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
And I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
FLOODS IN PAKISTAN
Nothing good can ever come of the devastating floods that Pakistan suffered recently. However, an unexpected side-effect of the flooding has been the mass upward migration of countless spiders there. They climbed up into the trees to escape the rising flood waters.
Because of the scale of the flooding and the fact that the water took so long to recede, many trees became cocooned in spiders webs.
A HEALTH WARNING FROM VIVIENNE
Did you know....
When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure?
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure?
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems?
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems?
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends.
THE FINAL WORD ON MY BIRTHDAY
As usual I received a lovely, handmade card from Sid for my birthday. This year, he chose to make a short list of notable December 4ths….
* The Mary Celeste was found crewless and drifting on December 4, 1872;
* 6 astronauts begin assembling the International Space Station on December 4, 1998;
* Birth Control became available on the NHS on December 4, 1961;
* The first Burger King opened in Miami on December 4, 1954.
To which I would like to add that I share my birthday with personalities as diverse as Ronnie Corbett and the Duke of Wellington.
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