At the village Christmas market
In this blogposting...
*A Silly Game
*Another Silly Game
*A Joke

All yours...

Our seasonal AGM will take place at 1100 this upcoming Wednesday 29 December at (or near) Grey’s Monument in Newcastle.

You have two choices. You can stay away and be a grumpy old Scrooge or turn up and cast a sparkling Christmas light on the proceedings. There will even be a special guest.

Whatever happens, a splendid time is guaranteed for all.

This is one of those silly word-games for people who don’t mind playing with themselves (so to speak). It’s easily possible to have hours of endless Yuletide fun with it - at least until they come to take you away.

You will need a dictionary - the larger the better.

First, choose a verse of your favourite poetry or the words of a song. Then - and here’s the tricky, intellectual bit - change every noun to the noun following (say) three behind it in the dictionary.

The sylvan dreaminess of Wordsworth’s Daffodils…

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high over vales and hills
When all at once i saw a crowd
A host of golden daffodils transformed into…

I wandered lonely as a clove
That floodlights on high over valencies and hillsides
When all at once i saw a crucifix
A hostess of golden dahlias

Replace every noun with the seventh one following it in the dictionary and the effect can be quite trippy…

I wandered lonely as a clue
That flops on high over valises and hindrances
When all at once i saw a cruet
A hotelier of golden dairymen.

Prizes should be awarded for the best entries. They should be, but they won’t.

I'm one of those tedious people who loudly and proudly proclaim that I do not know the rules of cricket. I'm genuinely delighted to say that, if you showed me a cricket score, I really wouldn't know who had won.

I was boring someone to death with these facts the other day when I remembered an email sent to us by a Blue Bus listener on this very subject.

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

So there you have it.

Eric and Jean have sent me this joke. I make no apology for including it here because I think it’s about time the people of Sunderland and Hartlepool got their own back on smug Tynesiders.

‘53,000 Geordies meet in St James Park for a "Geordies Are Not Stupid" convention.
Alan Shearer addresses the crowd....
"We are all here today to prove to the 
world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please".

To loud applause Gazza gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

Shearer asks him "What is 15 plus 15?" 

After about 20 seconds Gazza says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Geordies start chanting
"Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

Shearer says "Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance".

So he asks "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds Gazza eventually says, "Ninety?"

Shearer looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened and Gazza starts crying.

But then the 53,000 Geordies begin to yell and wave their hands shouting "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Shearer, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, "What is 2 plus 2?"

Silence hangs over the stadium.
Gazza closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Geordie crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream..................


I want to start the New Year on a high note - so please send me the best jokes you've heard recently and I'll include as many as I can in the next posting.

Or you could just bring them along to the AGM on Wednesday.

Post comments on this blog or email me:


Hildie said...

Just calling in to tell you that I bumped into a Truckshunter while I was in town today. You couldn't possibly imagine how good it makes me feel to be able to write that, and I haven't got the words to express the pleasure it gave me. It was Gerry (otherwise known as J.Arthur Smallpiece, Poet Laureate)who I came across whilst making my way to the Grainger Market this afternoon. It (the market) was closed, by the way. But not to worry, I had met a Truckshunter on my travels which meant that my treck was not in vain. Last time I saw Ian I was trying to tell him what a really clever thing he did in starting this merry band of Truckshunters in the first place.
It was a jolly good idea and I would like to applaud his wisdom and foresight and his downright temerity .... in thinking of the idea of writing a blog , encouraging his listeners to blog with him and , furthermore, to have them meet up at regular intervals with important exchanges of such things as Christmas Cracker Jokes or Ambient Sausage Rolls! Were it not for Ian's good planning, J. Arthur and I would have passed in the street today as complete strangers , never knowing that we were like-minded folk, prone to listening to Blue Bus Programmes and the like!

I love being a Truckshunter.

Anonymous said...

Une bonne et heureuse année nouvelle et pacifique
ada amour

A Happy and a peaceful new year to all
love ada