108

Contrary to what you might expect at this time of year, the temperature’s rising. Things are getting warmer, degree by degree. There’s an unmistakable build-up of steam. The red light that means ‘too much pressure’ is flashing brighter and more frequently as each day passes. Unless the ‘Authorities’ take remedial or avoiding action....well as my Nana used to say, there’ll be a very loud report and I’ll have gone off.

And there isn’t much time, either. In less than a fortnight, I will officially reach the age at which dancing at weddings - or any other good-time gatherings - is strictly forbidden, or at least frowned upon. Suddenly, by merely stating my age, I will be looked upon as outdated, curmudgeonly and almost pointless - words which, on reflection, a great many people have been using about me for some considerable time already.

I will become entitled to free medical prescriptions - a perquisite that will become more and more valuable as time goes on and nature takes its course. Many public sector sellers of goods and services will regard me as a ‘concession’; cheaper seats at the Tyneside Cinema, much less costly rail travel (provided I buy a one-off ‘railcard’), free travel on the Metro (ditto). Even - as several nightshifters have already pointed out - my entitlement to a special winter heating allowance.

I’m going to be sixty.

Now I don’t want to complain or ‘create’. (Again, this is a usage of my Nana’s. She had a use of English that was all her own; comment was stressed on the second syllable: comMENT - and a REplica became a repLICa. Anyway....) Passing negative comment about all the allowances and concessions to which I am suddenly about to be entitled would indeed be curmudgeonly and niggardly, and thus perpetuate the ‘OAP’ stereotype described above. We over-60s have been conditioned over the decades to express nothing but gratitude for whatever crumbs off the financial table our keepers decide to throw at us. However, having said that - and having firmly established how grateful I genuinely am for what I am about to receive.....

Why can’t the over-60 concessions be a little less ‘worthy’? Sure, free bus journeys and discounts on trains and in cinemas are all very well, but what I would really appreciate, over and above these, is discounted beer and wine. ‘Senior citizen’ membership of discos and OAP entrance to rock gigs. 20% off all scones, pies, biscuits and cakes. Specially cakes and pies. Over-60s air travel at truly awesome discounts. The possibilities are endless.

If I’m given a cardigan for my birthday, I’ll sulk. If I’m given slippers and a pipe, I’ll sue.

CHRISTMAS
Thanks for all your enquiries about my duties over the Christmas period. I'm afraid that, this year, I won't be with you 'live' on Christmas Day as I have been over the last few years. Instead, I will be presenting The Nightshift every night except Christmas Night and Boxing Night. There'll be more details of BBC Radio Newcastle's seasonal programmes in the Christmas edition of the Radio Times.

THE PICTURE....
...was sent in to me by truckshunter Gavin.

CONTACT ME
Post comments on this blog or contact me in any one (or more) of these ways....
ian.robinson@bbc.co.uk
text 07786 200954 (while the programme is on-air)
call (between about 0545 and 0630 Monday to Friday) 0191 232 6565
Ian Robinson, The Nightshift, BBC Radio Newcastle, Spital Tongues, Newcastle-upon-Tyne NE99 1RN

NOTE
Please bear in mind that the views expressed in this blog are my own and NOT the views of the BBC.

26 comments:

Inga said...

Hello Sue - I have feverishly jotted down all your suggestions to Ian and will start looking for 3out of the 5 you mentioned, having read Portnoy's Complaint and Middlemarch. The first one I am going to get is "Mr. Phillips" [Is he the one of The Navy Lark fame?] At this point in my life I am looking for entertainment and a good laugh when I read. The heavy stuff? Done it, read it, can't remember most of it :-)!
Sue, won't you join us here, maybe you could get us started on a virtual book club! One of my favorite authors is P.G. Wodehouse and I also like Jerome K. Jerome.

Sid said...

Morning everyone,
Ian you don't HAVE to be sixty if you don't want to. I was born in 1944, and sometimes I feel 60, but am rarely ever that age in my head. I don't dance at party's, but there again I never did. I choose not to have a bus pass, showing it to the driver so publicly is a bit of a let down. I walk instead, unless of course my destination is miles away.
Selective 'sixtyness' is fine, I use it for my prescriptions and maybr 10% off at some stores on certain days.
Sorry but I have to go now, allotment calls......and then I have to make a Birthday Card for a mate of mine who is 60 next week, but he's shy so I won't mention his name....

Ian Robinson said...

Inga...Sue isn't on the Internet, unfortunately. But I've passed on your message.
Sid....A truly AWESOME concept: 'SELECTIVE SIXTYNESS'. I love it :-))

Hildie said...

Gavin, what a cute picture! You should come and join us on the blog, you know. That reminds me, I wonder what's happened to Pam.
Ian, I've got 60 on the horizon as well, I don't like thinking about it! I'll have to go for this selective sixtyness, I reckon.
I was listening to you talking to Sue in the early hours of this morning and, you know what,some long time ago, like you, I gave up reading fiction too. Ann Rule is my favourite author - true crime my favourite reading matter. If you want us all to read these books it'll be a bit of a struggle with the genre for me .... anyway, I didn't have a pen and paper handy at the time. However, I enjoyed hearing from Sue, she is inspiring.
Did any of you see the BBC national news this evening? Did you see the guy who has been an amateur jockey for 27 years and who hadn't won a race until today?! Now there's determination for you. I felt so delighted for him. His name is Anthony Knott.

Inga said...

OK, guys and gals, we've been given another assignment by Ian, our birthday boy! His friend, Brian, suggested that, for a donation to a worthy cause like "Children in Need" the powers that be could be persuaded to tilt the Millenium Bridge in honor of a chosen person. He considered this a cracking, smashing, and wonderful idea and so it is, indeed. But it was made fairly obvious - to this listener anyway - that he would not mind being the first recipient of such a dedication. . . . :-). Unfortunately I have no idea WHO to approach with this request or HOW to go about it. Any of you have an idea?

Sid said...

Morning everyone,
Inga, I shall try and find out. What a lovely idea.
If we raised loads of money could we put someone on it while its being tipped.
I could name a few politicians who deserve it.

Ian Robinson said...

Whoa!!!!! I really WASN'T trying to suggest that the Bridge be raised for ME!!! Honest!! I'm surely not THAT egotistical.
Am I???

Vivienne said...

Hi Folks!

Here's a photo of the open Gateshead Millennium Bridge for you! Ian, it sounded like a hint to me!!!

Sid said...

Hello everyone,
Sorry to be the bearer of disappointing news but the Millenium Bridge doesn't tilt for anyone 'by request'. The cost doesn't come into it, neither does a donation. It seems the Council are often contacted to raise the bridge for a lot of different occasions, and they just don't do it.
I have a lengthy e-mail that points out the bridge is a public right of way, and there is a strict criteria in place due to the maintenance guarantee, and it goes on and on.
So we'll just have to think of something else.

Inga said...

Well, Sid, that's too bad. If for no other reason than it will deprive you of your "political" dreams :-)! Why is it that all good ideas [and this time I am referring to Brian/Ian's dream] are so often stopped because of some bureaucratic or narrow-minded individual. On the other hand, in this case I can almost understand the reasoning. What fun it would have been, though and no telling how much money could have been raised for all sorts of causes.
How about doing some limericks for There is a Man Named Ian? I bet Vivienne could come up with a good one. We might send her our "poetic" efforts and she could than post them all anomymously, as a joint effort, as it were.

Hildie said...

Top marks for trying, Sid. As it seems we can't literally raise the bridge, let's do it metaphorically then - same time as we're raising our glasses to Ian!

Inga said...

And which politician are you going to put on that bridge, Hildie before we "raise" that bridge? How about you, Sid? My choice? Sara Palin! Vivienne who would get your vote?

By the way - I forgot to mention a track Ian played last night: "Walk Right In" by the Rooftop Singers. I did not catch all of his lead-in but I definitely heard the words "theme song". However, I do not know if he introduced it as a suggestion or as the final choice. It certainly is a catchy tune and I like all that stuff about letting your hair hang down, letting your mind roll on, a new way of walking, etc.

Vivienne said...

Hi Folks,

Sorry you weren't successful, Sid, but well done for trying.

Inga, each time I hear, 'Sitting on the Dock of the Bay,' I think of you and your family on your dock!

Yes please send me your Limericks. Here's one to start you off:

A radio presenter named Ian,
Thought turning sixty obsce-ne,
Still he desired many cards,
So get scripting all you bards,
And we'll deck them in lights which are neon!

I'm sure you can all do better than that!

Inga said...

Would be nice, Vivienne, if we could still do that but cold weather has finally made it to Arkansas as well.
I will send you my limerick attempt. Does everybody have your home email address so they can send you theirs?

Ian Robinson said...

Inga....I bought 'Walk Right In' when it first came out in the 60s; I loved - and still love - the thumping 12-string guitars on it. I played it, though, to mark the death of Erik Darling, who wrote it and was one of the Rooftop Singers.
Sid....I'm with the others - well done for trying to get the Bridge lifted.
Viv....that's a truly tooth-grinding limerick - Ian, obscIan and nIan. WOW!!!

Sid said...

Inga, try this...www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAOq_4CX9rI (the last bit is a capitol i) its Walk Right In. Hope you enjoy it.

Inga said...

Thanks, Sid. Will give it a listen. You know what is amazing to me is that you got such a quick reply from the Council!

HILDIE, where are you? I think we are doing what you wanted us to do a while back - cannot remember what you called it. It involved all of us getting on line at the same time, talking to each other.

Sid said...

Inga, the link I gave you doesn't take you directly there. It should, but it doesn't!. If you go to www.youtube.com and type it in there search section you should be successful. I'm going to stop giving these web addresses, they make me look daft.lol.

Inga said...

No way, Sid - keep 'em coming.

Vivienne said...

Hi Ian,

Well I thought if I posted my feeble attempt it may prompt others to have a go, and make a better job of it!

For those who don't have my email address, please send your limericks to murphyanddora@gmail.com and they will pass on your emails to me!

'Ian, I'm sixty too,
But I guess I'm luckier than you,
Cos I'm on my pension,
Despite water retention,
The worries I have are now few.'

Inga, it was 'Happy hour' that Hildie talked about.

Hildie said...

Sounds like I've missed all the fun! Actually, I've had a very relaxing evening listening to the dvd (of last Friday's "Nightshift") which Sid sent me! It was great not having to keep my eyes open with matchsticks AND to have been awake enough to potter about doing little jobs as I was listening. Thanks , Sid, it was a real treat!

Lawrence said...

A distinguished presenter called Ian,
Wore nightshirts at work made of neon,
but the glare from his gear,
caused drivers much fear,
of distorting the view they were see-in.

Loz

Inga said...

We love to listen to a man called Ian
A bit crazy but wonderful human bein'
Lots of get up and go,
A cracker of a show,
And his sex appeal at 60 intact and showin'

Inga said...

Ian, I am going to post the following because my email server kept telling me it couldn't be sent!

I found a possible answer [re: it's Greek to me] at the following website:

http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/3/messages/503.html

". . . a source that indicates the use of this phrase predates Shakespeare, and is in fact derived from a Medieval Latin proverb "Graecum est; non potest legi" (It is Greek; it cannot be read)".

Ian Robinson said...

Sex appeal???? You HAVE to be joking!!!

Inga said...

Who ME? Do a thing like that?! Besides, I have it on good authority that there are no grounds for this modesty :-) !

Quite around here today, isn't it? Must be something good on "farsight"!