Ian Robinson
THURSDAY 10 JANUARY 2008
RAILTON HOWES
The picture I posted yesterday of my colleague and mentor Railton Howes has caused much more of a kerfuffle than even I would have thought possible. Scented envelopes of various hues have been arriving at the BBC’s Reception Desk here at the Pink Palace all day, although why the letter-writers chose that particular scent I can’t even begin to imagine. No sooner had Dyno-Rod left than a queue of lolling-tongued women of various ages - and in differing stages of decomposition - started to form. This is quite usual for Mike Parr but for Railton it came as a revelation, especially as many of them were carrying keep-nets and fishing rods - or offering to carry his. I’m afraid our security staff had to manhandle away those whose lust had got the better of them and who were thus carrying placards saying things like LET ME SORT OUT YOUR FLIES or HOWES THAT FOR SEX APPEAL.
The St John Ambulance Service, assisted by a passing farmyard vet, did sterling service reviving those unfortunate souls who swooned clean away when Railton finally appeared at the door. Poor Thomasina (‘Ena The Cleaner’), whom I have long suspected of harbouring unspeakably wanton thoughts about Railton, was later found hiding in the mop cupboard in tears of angry jealousy, along with Jonathan Miles.
Naturally, the phones haven’t stopped ringing all day. Railton has received offers from, amongst many others, Playgirl (to be their centrefold) and ManHunk (ditto), as well as from Hollywood - to play Dr Gunglegonk in the final Harry Potter movie and to be Brad Pitt’s body-double in Fight Club 2: The Musical.
It’s got to stop. The BBC’s phone lines are needed to take the many thousands of calls about Sam Allardyce that we haven’t been able to answer. So PLEASE ladies - desist. Railton is unavailable as a potential 'beau' (as a woman from Pallion described him). If the mob-stalking doesn’t stop, the BBC will be forced to set up an ‘unrequited love’ help-line similar to the one that already exists for admirers of Anne Leuchars. (I know that number off by heart.)
Finally - and to redress the balance a little - I have attached above a photograph of my good self. Please bear in mind that I do not look quite like that now. The picture was taken over six months ago, after all - at the Bishop Auckland Jon Harle Lookalike Competition. I now have slightly more facial hair.
CONTACT ME
Post comments on this blog or contact me in any one (or more) of these ways....
ian.robinson@bbc.co.uk
text 07786 200954 (while the programme is on-air)
call (between about 0545 and 0630 Monday to Friday) 0191 232 6565
Ian Robinson, The Nightshift, BBC Radio Newcastle, Spital Tongues, Newcastle-upon-Tyne NE99 1RN
NOTE
Please bear in mind that the views expressed in this blog are my own and NOT the views of the BBC.
RAILTON HOWES
The picture I posted yesterday of my colleague and mentor Railton Howes has caused much more of a kerfuffle than even I would have thought possible. Scented envelopes of various hues have been arriving at the BBC’s Reception Desk here at the Pink Palace all day, although why the letter-writers chose that particular scent I can’t even begin to imagine. No sooner had Dyno-Rod left than a queue of lolling-tongued women of various ages - and in differing stages of decomposition - started to form. This is quite usual for Mike Parr but for Railton it came as a revelation, especially as many of them were carrying keep-nets and fishing rods - or offering to carry his. I’m afraid our security staff had to manhandle away those whose lust had got the better of them and who were thus carrying placards saying things like LET ME SORT OUT YOUR FLIES or HOWES THAT FOR SEX APPEAL.
The St John Ambulance Service, assisted by a passing farmyard vet, did sterling service reviving those unfortunate souls who swooned clean away when Railton finally appeared at the door. Poor Thomasina (‘Ena The Cleaner’), whom I have long suspected of harbouring unspeakably wanton thoughts about Railton, was later found hiding in the mop cupboard in tears of angry jealousy, along with Jonathan Miles.
Naturally, the phones haven’t stopped ringing all day. Railton has received offers from, amongst many others, Playgirl (to be their centrefold) and ManHunk (ditto), as well as from Hollywood - to play Dr Gunglegonk in the final Harry Potter movie and to be Brad Pitt’s body-double in Fight Club 2: The Musical.
It’s got to stop. The BBC’s phone lines are needed to take the many thousands of calls about Sam Allardyce that we haven’t been able to answer. So PLEASE ladies - desist. Railton is unavailable as a potential 'beau' (as a woman from Pallion described him). If the mob-stalking doesn’t stop, the BBC will be forced to set up an ‘unrequited love’ help-line similar to the one that already exists for admirers of Anne Leuchars. (I know that number off by heart.)
Finally - and to redress the balance a little - I have attached above a photograph of my good self. Please bear in mind that I do not look quite like that now. The picture was taken over six months ago, after all - at the Bishop Auckland Jon Harle Lookalike Competition. I now have slightly more facial hair.
CONTACT ME
Post comments on this blog or contact me in any one (or more) of these ways....
ian.robinson@bbc.co.uk
text 07786 200954 (while the programme is on-air)
call (between about 0545 and 0630 Monday to Friday) 0191 232 6565
Ian Robinson, The Nightshift, BBC Radio Newcastle, Spital Tongues, Newcastle-upon-Tyne NE99 1RN
NOTE
Please bear in mind that the views expressed in this blog are my own and NOT the views of the BBC.
7 comments:
Well Ian, your photo has certainly caused a surprise in our house. My wife said "That's never Ian, it looks more like David Beckham".I'm assured it was a compliment
dear ian dot robinson?....
I have to dutifully inform you that i have "laughed my socks off" at your write up on todays blog about railton, his admirers,
the cleaning lady,unrequited love help line..
all of it really, making me laugh is no mean feat,it doesnt often happen, people i know will testify to this, very animatedly, if need be.
the picture of you,?
no words ian!!!..except, my how you,ve changed...time has been kind...lastly, it must cost a pretty penny at the beauty parlour..keep your money in your pocket, natural is always best as nature intended...hairy or not...
what more needs to be said except more stuff like that.
lashings of humour, easy on the visuals...
last night on truckshunters i sat fascinated by the insight into, hildies number 8, so many mindboggling no 8 facts..i never knew there were so many..
well done hildie...
thankyou very kindly for granting my request of a celine dion song, you chose the perfect one..
" a new day has come"
angels are a fave of mine. it brightened up the kitchen at 2.30am..night hawk that i am.. x
This photo has delivered a dilemma to my fevered mind....
I got new glasses today....
Are they faulty????
Were the old ones faulty???
One thing's for sure you look just slightly different to my memory of you through the other specs!
Good blog-copy today too, very funny stuff and I do hope Railton recovers soon - if he actually want to.
Any how Ian, nice packet! errr sorry picture, which reminds me it's tea time and I must tuck into my meat and 2 veg accompanied by a little nipple... er tipple of my favourite night time drink,
b..err horlicks.
Must fill my lunch box for work tomorrow.
Night all.
Lawrence
ian i knew you,d cause a stir,
if you carry on flaunting yourself in such an "impudent fond" manner women and men alike will go doolally.
sids wife noticed..
even lawrence seems to be off his usual hobgoblin tipple,
replacing with horlicks just proves this without a doubt..
lovely pic of durham cathedral in durham times today taken from a good vantage point in a snowy south street..
titled . "crisp and even",
theres also mention of the wild boar that roamed brancepeth long ago, it lived at brandon mill.
I know that mankind has made huge leaps forward in medical science but I never realised that full body transplants were possible. A truly amazing feat!
(Makes you wonder where they found a donor and what they did with the bits left over....)
Well, what can I say, the secret is well and truly out...I wish ! I've mentioned to Ian about the green tea before...it does seem to have stretched his imagination doesn't it, just look at the photo above...of course the people swooning, wanting to carry the rod and net, and the cleaning lady all true....oh, hang on, I've just woken up !!!, I think I can still safely use the front door at Broadcasting Centre....keep blogging folks, this is great fun,
I have to tell all you truckshunters that I was EXTREMELY nervous of seeing Railton this morning at the Pink Palace. I hadn't told him about yesterday's 'flight of fancy' and he hadn't looked at the blog. And until I read his comment above, I was STILL nervous! Railton - you're a born gent Sir.
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