542

 Canadian band Arcade Fire - ripe for slavery

The points made in this item (which was sent to me by an old friend) have been made many times before, but never - I think - so elegantly or to such devastating effect.

OWNING A CANADIAN

On her US radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, she regarded homosexuality is an abomination, as decreed at Leviticus 18:22, and that it cannot be condoned under any circumstances.

The following response is an open letter to Dr Schlesinger and posted on the Internet…

Dear Dr Laura

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.  I have learned a great deal from your show and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.  When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states that it is an abomination...

End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1
Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, as long as they are from neighbouring nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not to Canadians.

Can you clarify?  Why can't I own Canadians?

2
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of ‘menstrual uncleanliness’ (Leviticus 15: 19-24).  The problem is - how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9).  The problem is my neighbours.  They claim the odour is not pleasing to them.  Should I smite them?

5
I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.  Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.  I don't agree.  Can you settle this?  Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7
Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed - including the hair around their temples - even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27.  How should they die?

9
My uncle has a farm.  He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field - as does his wife, by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).

He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.  Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them to death (Leviticus 24:10-16)?  Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Department of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

P.S. It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian.

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AGM XLV
I think it’s about time we had another AGM, don’t you?

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CONTACT ME
Post comments on this blog or email me:  truckshunters@googlemail.com

541

Prepare for an old-fashioned blogposting that celebrates the trivial and (mostly) unimportant...

NEWS FROM NOWHERE

* Hundreds of sheep have been rustled from two Northumberland farms - 270 from Elsdon, 30 from Bellingham.  Police said that sheep-rustling is a concern ‘because of its effects on business’.

* An obsessed fan of the musical Rock of Ages has spent £15,600 to see it 500 times since 2009.  Abe Calimag (what an awe-inspiring name!) of Virginia has travelled all over the world to see the 80s-themed show.  He says that seeing the same show is ‘what I enjoy’.  And why not?

* Conservationists are attempting to restore habitats for dormice along canals and rivers following a 600-mile survey of historic hedgerows.  The hazel dormouse, famed as a character in Alice in Wonderland, is under threat from loss and fragmentation of its habitat.

* The Latin motto engraved on the wall of a new library in Moorestown, New Jersey, got lost in translation.  Officials had thought that the phrase Nos secundus coniecto omnia meant We confirm all things twice.  But in fact it means We second-guess everybody.  The engraving is set to be changed.

* A new attraction is gracing the Eiffel Tower.  The newly-renovated first-floor was unveiled on Tuesday - it’s a glass floor that visitors can stand on more than 50m (164ft) in the air and look straight down to the ground.  The 2-year renovation was inaugurated by Paris’ mayor Anne Hidalgo and cost 30m€ (£23.5m).

* The Pope got an unexpected lecture on the joys of sex from a Catholic couple brought in to talk about what makes a marriage last.  Ron and Mavis Pirola, parents of four from Sydney, told a Vatican gathering of some 200 prelates that great marriage boils down to great sex.

* When officials went to congratulate Sogen Kato - supposedly the oldest man in Japan - on his 111th birthday, they found skeletal remains in his bed.  Mr Kato had probably been dead for 30 years.  His granddaughter had told officials that he ‘didn’t want to see anybody’.  Police are investigating the family on possible fraud charges.

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THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU DIDN’T KNOW

More intriguing facts from a wonderful tome Hildie gave me at Christmas…

* Locust swarms move so fast because each locust is trying to eat the one in front and avoid being eaten by the one behind.

* A medium-sized tube of toothpaste contains enough chemicals to kill 13 dogs.

* Mothers over 40 are twice as likely to have left-handed children than women in their 20s.

* Charles Darwin’s tortoise Harriet died in 2006 aged 176.

* King George IV had a pet giraffe.

* Multiplying 21978 by 4 reverses the order of the numbers.

* MOW, NOON and SWIMS read the same upside down.

* Adolf Hitler bit his nails.

So now you know...

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CONTACT ME
Post comments on this blog or email me:  truckshunters@googlemail.com

540

A crocodile laughing at Brenda's first joke

BRENDA’S JOKES

1    CROCODILES
Two crocodiles were sitting by the side of the River Thames.



The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.



'Well,' said the big crocodile, 'what have you been eating?'


'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small crocodile.



'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'



'Down at the car park by the Houses of Parliament.'



'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?'



'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'



'Ah!' says the big crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment....
See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase’.

2    THE WELSH COW

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. 



Then the town folk found out that they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply. 
 


So, they brought the cow over from Wales. 



It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.



So they bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. 
 


They put the bull in the pasture with the cow - but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. 
 


No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.



The people were very upset and decided to go to the vet - who was very wise - and tell him what was happening and ask his advice.



‘Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.



If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. 
 


When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. 



If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.’



The vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking ‘Did you by any chance buy this cow in Wales?’



The people were dumbfounded, since no one had mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales. 



‘You are truly a wise vet’ they said. ‘How did you know we got the cow from Wales?’



The vet replied with a distant look in his eye: 

‘My wife is from Wales... ‘

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AND BRENDA, THE MEDIA TART

I’ve been so neglectful of my truckshunters email inbox that I overlooked another of Brenda’s messages - the one which informed me that, not content with her brilliant performance on The Chase, she has now appeared on Two Tribes, the new-ish tea-time quiz programme on BBC2.

The big event happened on August 27, though.  Is there any way at all that this programme can be watched now, so late in the day (as it were)?

If not, we’ll just have to hold a Special AGM so she can tell us all about it…

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 Serge sent me this photo of some walruses because he knows they're my favourite animals; 

aren't they lovely?

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GOING TO THE FLICKS

You may already know that the Tyneside Cinema operates a ‘Silver Screen’ filmshow programme for crusty and decrepit old fogeys like me - and that I take advantage of the scheme quite a lot. 

https://www.tynesidecinema.co.uk/whats-on/films/silver-screen

Brenda now tells me that the Odeon at Silverlink has special film-shows for over-55s as well.

http://www.odeon.co.uk/silvercinema

So… if anybody fancies a trip to the movies, get in touch.

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ADA
Thanks to everyone for joining in the good wishes for Ada’s 90th birthday last week.  Hildie and I called in to see her the day after her birthday and she looked extraordinarily well and catered for us like a professional - pies and sausage rolls, biscuits and cakes, tea and coffee.  And the crack was good, too.

Thanks again, to everyone.

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CONTACT ME
Post comments on this blog or email me:  truckshunters@googlemail.com

539

Yesterday - October 1 - was a day of genuinely awesome significance to truckshunters everywhere; a day it would have been scandalous to overlook; and a day worth resurrecting this tired old blog for.

Ada, our Honorary President (and all the closer to our hearts for it), celebrated her 90th birthday.

I could go on and on about the sharpness of her wit, the clarity of her recollection, her sprightly step, her incisive determination, her gentle consideration for others...but, instead, I thought I’d mark the occasion by showing some of the many photographs of Ada that I and others have taken since she attended her first AGM four years ago.

This is one of my personal favourites; Vivienne is on the left, Hildie on the right.

It was taken outside the Sage.

This photo was taken the same day.

With (from left) Hildie, me, Gerry (aka J Arthur Smallpiece), Alfie Joey and Hilary 

at Tynemouth station.

Back at the Sage again, with (from left) Vivienne, Sid, Hildie, Maureen, me and Lawrence.

With Hildie at Newcastle Library.

At Grey's Monument with Hilary, Gerry, Hildie and me.

In her garden with Hildie...

...and with me.

Portrait.

At our last AGM in Grainger Market with Keith and Hildie.

Back at Grey's Monument, this time with (from left) Michael Poulter, Linda, Keith, Gerry, 

Serge, Hildie, me, Neville and Vivienne.

At her home today - the first day of her 91st year.

And this is my favourite photo of Ada.

A very special lady...

A very, very happy birthday to a seriously remarkable woman - from all truckshunters, everywhere, past and present.

538

This is a photograph of Stuart Kettell, aged 49, who, as I speak, is pushing a Brussels sprout up Mt Snowdon with his nose.

Mt Snowdon is 3,560 ft (1,085 m) high and it will take Stuart 4 days - four days - to complete the task and to raise as much money as he can for Macmillan Cancer Support.

I think that what he’s doing is gloriously bizarre enough to deserve a blogposting on its own.

It surely also deserves a donation, however small, from all of us.  Do it at:
https://www.justgiving.com/Stuart-Kettell10/

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CONTACT ME

Post comments on this blog or email me:  truckshunters@googlemail.com